she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
