I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
