hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
