dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
