She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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