I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
