I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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