I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He kissed a someone with a penis
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
