you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
