well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
