Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
