I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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