that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
