i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
