dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
