Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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