1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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