she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
