I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
