Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
