Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Floor bacon is actually really good
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
