I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
