I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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