dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
