me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
