Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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