If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
