please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my being single is dangerous.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
