Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
