tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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