i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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