And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
