Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
