If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
