Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
