Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
