Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
