Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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