PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
