You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
