Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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