How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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