R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
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