so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
