whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Will exercising make me less horny?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
