I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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