you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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