I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
