For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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