There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
