You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
