This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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