I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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