when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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