Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Randomize
