Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
